Betrayed, Am I nOt?

I don't know if the persons around me really liked me as who i am..i mean, it's what i feel..i feel that their friendship, their smile, their presence, their care are true but somehow, something tells me i'm not good enough..that they somehow deserve more..that even fell the very most thing they hate, or the person they would give everything just not to be with is becoming the more me..i mean, the very most thing i sworn to protect them from has affected me..i am not limiting these just to one person i treat special but to all those who mean a lot to me..these might be the effect of wanting to know the truth..if they really do like me..if i have what it takes to be called as their friend..as i said i lost trust on them as well as i lost trust on myself..i now doubt myself in almost everything i have done or even what i must do..the feeling i felt when we were still far from being separated just disappeared..the feeling of not wanting to separate and make every moment memorable..i must admit, their silence kills me..every time i express myself, their being a blank paper irritates me..well i'm not exaggerating it but it's what i feel..as if, they don't trust me..that's why something tells me that why should i trust them, if they don't even care or trust me..but somehow, i wanted to believe..i want to believe that they do trust me..that they do feel what i feel for them..that it's their simple way of saying they care, like and trust me too..but as what i observed, it's not..some may say they do care, like and trust me but it's not what theirs actions tell me..i am even confuse if they just wanted something to me that's why they befriends with me..all i want is for them (whoever they are or if there is) who in someway betrayed or betrays me, tell it now..before its too late..before i discover it from the others..before they regret it..before i regret it..all i need now is someone who understands me..someone whom i could share my despair with..well i'm not telling he/she experience it with me but become an ear and a hand to tap me on my back..to somehow, pull me from drowning..i am waiting in these lost roads i am caught up with..i want to take these all out, but i can't do this on my own..maybe all these years, i have been that ears and hand to someone although i'm not asking to pay me back but at least someone with do the same to me..and help me TURN BACK TO WHO REALLY I AM..

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